Hi, I’m tired.
Like, probably more tired than I’ve ever been in my life. This is the last time I’ll complain about it, but right now I work 40 hours a week at EF, and at least 20 hours a month at Club Monaco on top of that. I’m also an RA and an eboard member of a club, which are huge time commitments, and oh, right, I decided I should apply to be a campus ambassador for Vichy, a luxury skincare line branched off of L’Oreal. My Google Calendar looks like someone ate a bag of jolly ranchers and threw up everywhere. Cute, right?
So on top of the jobs I have to do, I am trying to regularly talk to my sister on the phone, help my brother with advice for getting into college when he asks, keeping my mom from exploding (her calendar is 10x worse than mine), and help my dad fix his resume so he can find a new job. And I’m also trying to avoid being the worst friend ever. I’ve had to reschedule plans more times this week than should ever be okay, and I know that it’s not. Telling people I’m busy makes me feel corporate-America in the worst way possible, as though I don’t care that they’re busy too, or that I think I’m the only one who is busy; or that I just plain don’t care, which isn’t true at all.
And on top of that I’m supposed to be a good girlfriend, exercise regularly, read the news daily, and attempt to look presentable for work? I know I’m slipping. I don’t know if I should quit something or just ride it out until things calm down, but I always try to ride it out and nothing ever slows down. The worst part is I know that this isn’t going to change in the near future. I’ve committed myself to working as hard as humanly possible on a career now, so that I can relax and take care of my kids when I grow up. I refuse to believe that in the future I can’t be both a CEO and a good mom and also stay healthy and take care of myself.
It’s totally unrealistic to want to be this superwoman who never messes anything up, and I know that. But figuring out the balance between killing it at an important meeting and making it to Allston just to relax and watch The Sopranos with my best friends shouldn’t be too hard. I am so thankful for my friends’ patience right now, because honestly, they should all hate me, but they don’t, and their understanding is what’s keeping me from falling apart.
So I think I’m going to take an hour a week to reassess my priorities and make sure all my time is properly allocated to what’s important and what matters. I can’t sacrifice my personal life just because I like running around and applying to internships. I don’t want to give up saying “yes” to opportunities. But I need to choose the right ones, and after doing so, make sure the other important things don’t slip through the cracks.
Anyway, thanks for reading this rant if you did. I just needed to vent.
Photo credit, in order of appearance: Andy Curran, Me, and Lauren Engel